Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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