There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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