you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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