you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
