CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
