Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
