He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
