i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
