His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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