He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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