Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
