Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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