i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
