You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
