Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He did a backflip because drugs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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