Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
