you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
