I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
