I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
