i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
