if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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