hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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