he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
