Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
