So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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