Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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