just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
