if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
