I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
