Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
