she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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