Kiss
Puke
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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