i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
