Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love you. Go after that dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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