Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
