We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
