I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
