Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
