We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
