Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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