he wants to bone in the snuggie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
