areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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