I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
