A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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