You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
