he shaved USA in his pubs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
