They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
