Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
