Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
