i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
