btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
