I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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