Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
