I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
