So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
